From IO9.com, a nifty little article with the headline “Scientists Have Discovered Booze that Won’t Give You a Hangover“. This, naturally, catches my eye, because I am a celebrated boozehound who thinks alcohol makes everything better right up until the point where it makes everything so, so much worse. So I clicked that sucker.
And as is sadly typical when any media reports on science (or, ‘science’), the headline is a crock of shit. The super new Future Booze does indeed give you a hangover, but it can possibly give you a measurably reduced hangover (concerning severity and duration) under certain conditions. Also, it ain’t new, no one actually discovered it since it’s been sold for years now, and from what I can tell from this brief article I would rather puke blood and feel like bugs were under my skin for days with my usual brand of liquor than drink this crap, but now I am digressing.
I tweeted this link a few days ago, but here it is again: Cable TV, Summed Up. This is the problem with science, and this is why so many authors (like me!) chuck real, actual science over the side and start making up our own colorful version of science. Science is dry, it is the art of observing and measuring tiny, tiny increments of tiny, tiny things over a period of, say, centuries, and then slowly collating that information into an incrementally better idea of how things are. Science is studying oxygenated alcoholic drinks and discovering that they leave your bloodstream 20-30 minutes sooner than regular alcoholic drinks, and if drunk in quantity may prove to give you a less-horrifying hangover. Who can blame blogs and news agencies from taking that less-than-inspiring story and turning it into SUPER SCIENTISTS FROM THE FUTURE HAVE BOOZE THAT GIVES NO HANGOVER.
Of course, things never take those kinds of leaps forward. The world is boring, just like science, inching along. We invent the telephone, and ti takes us more than a century to come up with the iPhone. We invent the car, and it takes us . . . well, crap, we still haven’t come up with a practical jetpack. Part of the reason we have this dissatisfaction with the Future which leads disturbed people like me to imagine entire universes for you is because of the way these stories are presented. We’re told: Hangover-free Booze! And we get: Booze with a scientifically measurable decline in hangover misery. Now with more data points!
Is it any wonder there are revolutions and riots on a regular basis? I was all set to go burn down Hoboken when I actually read this article and discovered the truth.
Now all we need is booze that won’t harm your liver no matter how many oil-drums of it you consume on a daily basis. Of course, that will likely be the End of Jeff, but it’ll be worth it.
VEGAS HAS STOPPED TIME*
*Unless you can somehow stumble your way to the hidden exit of a casino where you then discover the sun is up because you’ve been up for twenty-six hours, you’ve maxed out all your credit cards, and you have the number of a transvestite call girl scribbled on a cocktail napkin.
Misleading science articles are useful, I find, because then I can extrapolate in a story what I’d expected to find in the article. They’re good jumping off points.
Btw, I received the cover back and I’m so very thrilled. Thank you so much for taking the time to sign it and to include the note. I’ve framed both because you truly have re-invigorated me as a writer. I’m so happy I was able to tell you how much your work means to me and I hope I’m just one of many who have. [/gushing]
Hi Tricia, It was my pleasure to sign the cover! And I’m glad you’re reinvigorated, whether it was me or not–keep writing!
They haven’t invented spaceships yet either, it’s sounds like it would be easy as hell but it’s not.
Hate when that happens.
Science is fun though, it’s great for television, because you can freak people out with volcanos, earthquakes, and large numbers 8]