I woke up this morning to discover that My Corporate Masters had removed the lien on my house, though they’re still garnishing my wages. When I asked why this sudden gift had been given to me, I was put on hold for sixty-seven minutes while Gimme More by Britney Spears played on a loop, and then a gruff voice finally picked up and said “Hungarian Rights.”
Yup, the Hungarian publisher Ulpius-haz has purchased the rights to The Electric Church. I am pleased to welcome my new foreign masters, and hope I can advance their cause of world domination in some small way. Perhaps by assassinating someone? Or maybe selling some books, why not.
I never know if anyone cares about stuff like that – I mean, should I send out an email update to folks? While some people seem politely interested in my career, I have to think what they want to hear about are exciting public appearances or major events, like “I sold the movie rights for eleventy billion dollars and will now proceed drinking myself to death” or “I’ve built a fort out of the couch cushions and there is no power in this world which can make me leave its protective walls”. You know, important shit. I can’t imagine foreign rights makes anyone excited.
Then again, it’s hard to imagine any part of my exciting career – which involves, mainly, petting cats and mixing highballs – warrants an email bulletin. And yet I do occasionally contrive to send them. In a weird way that kind of sums up my career altogether!