So, maybe six months ago I started a story. It doesn’t matter what the story’s about; it’s not finished yet anyway, because as I’ve aged things just take longer, probably because of my slow slide into senility and death. The reason I mention this is because when I wrote the opening lines all that time in the past, I had the characters use the term ‘karen’ in its current memey definition of a privileged jerk thinking demanding special treatment. At the time, the term was still kind of bubbling under and felt very inside baseball, at least to me.

Yeah, it’s going to come out.

The thing about cool, topical slang and stuff is that it really appeals to writers. We’re Word People. We love to discover a new expression or a bit of jargon that not everyone knows. You slip it into a story and instantly it feels like you’re part of a Mystery Cult that worships your story.

But there’s a problem: What seems like Inside Baseball for the Cool Kids can suddenly become an overused piece of pop culture that people roll their eyes about.

Streets Ahead

You’ve got to think hard about any cultural reference you make in a story. Something that seems fresh and subversive in January might seem old and dated in March. I mean, there was a time when inserting a reference to Where’s the beef? or Wazzzuuuuuuuup! would instantly get a hearty laugh out of your audience.

Not familiar with those? Exactly!

Of course, this goes beyond language — you generally have to worry about how any pop culture reference will age, and I’ve written about that before. But I’m pretty settled with movie and TV references. I rarely include them, even in my contemporary fiction, because I’ve drilled it into myself that this is a fast ticket to Dated Town, Population: Streets Behind. Language is trickier. Some jargon and slang remains underground more or less forever, and sometimes including it seeds your story with the precious resource known as verisimilitude. As with all Literary Science, your mileage may vary and you may be capable of pulling off some shit I shouldn’t even attempt.

Still, next time you decide to include some current meme flavor in your writing, take a moment and imagine how it’s gonna play next year.

For writers, making up stories is the fun part — but there’s a lot of daylight between the fun, free-association process of being inspired with an idea for a story and then actually writing that story. There’s a lot of work involved in plotting it out, making sure the logic works, building a universe for it all to happen in — and crafting characters to populate that universe and perform the actions that move the plot along.

For some, characters are the hardest part, because people are unpredictable chaos machines. You can imagine a building, or a magic system, and they will follow some basic rules you can rely on. People don’t so that, and if you create characters that follow a blueprint they won’t feel particularly real; part of what makes people people is their inherent randomness, the way they do things that surprise and frustrate and amaze you. Capturing that vibe on the page is hard work.

But it can be easier than you think. Just try modeling.

Dammit, Jim

I spoke at a college writing class a few months ago, and one of the students asked me about figuring out their characters’ voice. I suggested they try this one weird trick:

1. Think of a celebrity with a distinctive communication style. William Shatner as Captain Kirk, or Jay-Z with that weirdly compelling coughing noise he uses to punctuate his lyrics.
2. Imagine your character is speaking in the same way as you write their dialogue.

To be clear, do not try to convey Captain Kirk’s oddball rhythms. This is something you do in your head, while you’re writing. What happens, though, is that your character’s lines subtly take on those rhythms. You shape the phrases to them. It all comes alive, and if you resist the urge to make it too explicit your dialogue will have a bit of dance to it that isn’t obvious.

If you match the voice you’re using as a model to the character as closely as possible, this will also help you ensure that your characters don’t all talk with the same rhythm and phrasing, which is one of those subtle problems that are easy to overlook right up until someone points it out to you.

Of course, you have to be careful not to slip over into parody — and you don’t have to use celebrities. Have a friend or family member with a distinctive speaking cadence? A character in the neighborhood with a recognizable style? That’ll work just as well — perhaps better, since there will be no chance of your model’s subject being recognized.

Me, I just model every character on myself, since I have a such a beautiful speaking voice. Which I know because of all the hours I’ve spent talking to myself.

Yeah, yeah: It’s write what you know time again. If you’re a writer who likes to talk shop, you can’t escape it — most of us probably startle out of bed at night screaming WRITE WHAT YOU KNOWWWWWWWWW at least five times a week. And the only thing more numerous than conversations about WWYK are opinions about WWYK. Which means that I, as a self-respecting literary superstar, have to generate new opinions about it on a regular basis or risk fading into obscurity.

My basic take on WWYK has always been that it’s a good guideline to remind yourself not to rely on bullshit, but it shouldn’t be taken too literally, or your work devolves into memoir. But recently I’ve been thinking about another way of looking at WWYK: Using what you know as a starting point.

Start Here

Worrying over writing what you know assumes that you’re supposed to be some sort of expert in everything you put into your story, which simply isn’t — or doesn’t have to be — true. But you do need some level of verisimilitude, of course. Write What You Know doesn’t mean you have to be an expert in what you’re writing, it means you should draw on something you are an expert in.

So, for example, let’s say you’re writing a story about a contract killer. You are not yourself a contract killer, nor have you ever been (I assume). So how can you write what you know? Well, you’ve had a job. You know what it’s like to work for someone else, doing something you’re variably good at. Start there.

Or maybe you’re writing a story about a couple getting a divorce, but you’ve never been married, or even had a bad breakup. You’ve probably had some sort of painful experience involving someone else, an argument, a fight, a decades-long prank war involving increasingly cruel and elaborate pranks that shatter lives and destabilize civilization, something. Start there.

These things don’t have to map 1:1 to the details of your fiction. You’re just looking for a starting point, a way to take your lived-in experience and extrapolate it into something you’ve never lived. That’s how you use WWYK — you take what you know and write it into your story. It’s a starting point.

So am I sitting here wondering how I can map a lifestyle that is 75% sitting in a comfortable chair and 25% drinking pleasant adult beverages and 19% Internet rabbit holes onto cyberpunk sci-fi stories about murderous cyborgs and the desperate professional killers that fight them? You know I am, hun.

Eventually we’ll look back on the pandemic lockdown a lot of office workers are going through and notice a) a baby boom; b) a divorce boom; or c) a manuscript boom. Heck, even when I did have to trek into an office every day for eight hours, I managed to do a lot of writing on the job. When I started working from home all bets were off, as I suspect a lot of aspiring novelists are discovering today. There’s something magical about being able to nip over to an open document and write three sentences in your WIP while waiting for everyone to get their shit together on yet another conference call.

There’s also something magical about doing those calls pantsless, and having beers for lunch.

But I digress! I came here not to make lame pandemic jokes or even lamer pantsless jokes, but to talk about how writing is a valuable skill.

Not Everyone Write Good

The first thing I ever published was a joke that appeared in an issue of Highlights for Children when I was, I dunno, eight? 10? Forty? Who can remember such things. The joke was terrible (and forgotten) but I showed that fucking Highlights to everyone. It was my first taste that writing can actually convey power.

As a freelance writer, I know how easy it is to think that no one values writing. We get offered pennies for our words, are often the last people brought into a project, and it sure isn’t uncommon to have someone heavily imply — if not outright state — that the writing part is something they could easily do themselves if only they had the time for something so trivial.

This, of course, is bullshit. If you’re someone who knows how to write, you’ve no doubt experienced the sort of semi-literate, incomprehensible emails that many people send on a daily basis as they do the work they have been paid to do. So, so, so many people out there — grown adults with degrees from prestigious institutions — have no fucking idea how to write clearly and effectively, despite the fact that this is a skill that can, in fact, be acquired.

And writing is foundational. Everything begins with writing. Behind every business idea or corporate project is an email, a memo, a report, a white paper. Behind every comic book, film, and TV show is a treatment, a script, a bible. Legislation, marketing, scientific and medical research — it all starts with writing, it all requires writing. More importantly, it all requires good writing.

Anyone can learn how to write competently, but based on the shit I receive via email every day, no one bothers. And I finally come to my damn point: The world needs us, kids. It needs writers. Never forget that.

It also needs whiskey, and a lot of it, these days. Stay safe, everyone.