BAM!
The Eternal Prison Cover
Some of you may have already seen this. Ain’t it pretty?
J
Latest Posts
“The Electric Church” in Russia
A long time ago, (July 2007, in fact) I mentioned that we’d sold Russian rights for The Electric Church. I had a lot of contact with the translator hired for the job, who is very smart and funny. She asked me lots of questions trying to pin down the right coloring for slang and technology, and I really enjoyed our email exchanges.
She recently emailed me with the good news that the book is out: “Good news! The Electric Church has been officially published in Russia. I found the info with the cover in the publisher’s catalogue . . . For some reason, the publishing house added another title to the book. It goes like this: “To kill an Immortal, or the Electric Church“. I have no idea why, but this is none of my doing :)”
She’s promised to keep me updated on Russian reviews, which is awfully nice of her. Her Translator School’s web site with the book info posted is here, though it’s in Russian. She also kindly provided to me her commentary posted on the site about her experience translating the book, which is fascinating:
Sleepy
I am not a morning person.
Someday – possibly during the aforementioned Coffee Apocalypse – I may in fact be forced to start hunting down those of you who are, indeed, Morning People, and destroying you. (I just read a book on Operation Barbarossa and have been infected with the word “destroy”, which is used constantly by German Generals as in We plan to surround the 17th Red Army and destroy it.)
I used to think I wanted to eliminate sleep from my life – like, if they invented a way to safely never sleep again. I was fascinated by the time I’d get back. Hours and hours, every day! I’m a guy who needs 8 hours every night. If I skimp even a little, I feel like a dead man for days afterward, so the idea of getting back 1/3 of my life through modern chemistry or dangerously experimental brain surgery seemed attractive. Nowadays, not so much – I like sleep. I guess this is part of getting older. When I was 20, not sleeping meant more time for boozing and carousing mixed with more work. Now it would mean more time spent flipping cable channels and complaining. The attraction, she is gone. Plus, there are times – like hangovers – when sleeping is a blessing.
I wonder, if the technology was available and safe, how many folks would sign up to never sleep again. And if they did, would that force the rest of us to do the same just to keep up? Man, that would irritate me. I resent all other humans now. I can’t imagine if you were keeping me up twenty-four hours a day.
J
AND I GOT SIDNEY’S LEG
The Non-Transformative Nature of Technology
Have you ever noticed how two things seem to be true of just about every generation, at least in the modern age: Every generation believes they are special and will change the world. Somehow they represent a new and innovative form of human and/or citizen, and every generation seems to believe we’re just about to enter the Epoch of Science Fiction, wherein technology, human evolution, and, well, who knows—maybe magic?—combine to transform life as we know it.
I don’t really expect this to ever happen, to be honest; technology has been marching on for thousands of years, and while the pace of development, invention, and adaptation appears to be increasing, so far nothing has quite managed to alter the fundamental aspect of humanity—what it means to be human. Technology certainly augments our abilities, but the goals we ply those abilities towards haven’t changed all that much, nor have our motives and limitations as a species.
Pics of Radio Success
The kick-ass producer of Seven Second Delay sent me a few photos taken at last Wednesday’s show (taken by Jeff Moore):
Superstar Jeff Trying to Look Pensive While Dori Plays
Coffee Apocalypse
I am starting to realize that my whole life revolves around liquids: Without coffee in the morning, I would be a zombie. Without whiskey in the evening, I would be insufferable (After reading something by absent friend Diamat, I suddenly have a craving for Rittenhouse Rye).
I am also toying with the idea that you can add the word “Apocalypse” to anything and create a cool doomsday scenario. COFFEE APOCALYPSE, people. See? Catchy. I sooooo want an Internet meme.
Of course, coffee wasn’t always with us humans, was it? And it may someday be replaced. You have to think about these things when you write SF – what will future humans (or their Giant Alien Ant Overlords) imbibe in the morning to regain sanity? Surely science will gift us with something more efficient than caffeine-suffused broth. Then again, have you seen some of the new-fangled food technologies? <Shudder> No thanks. Still one has to imagine these things, especially if you consider how much work and effort goes into getting your morning java to you. If your SF imagination tends to run dystopic, like mine does, you have to consider a horrible world without coffee, and the terrors it would hold.
But, not today, folks. Not today.
J
Radio Success
Well, Seven Second Delay last night was possibly the most fun I’ve had on the radio evah. First of all, it just proves my theory that Everything is Better In a Bar. Second of all, I got lightly made fun of for ten minutes, which is my idea of a good time.
I was joined by very funny comedian Adam Wade and very talented musician Dori Disaster. Dori provided a musical interlude so Andy Breckman could read a few pages of my book and pretend he knew all about it all along, and she was great.
If you’re so inclined, you can hear a stream of the show over at WFMU’s web page. I’m the first guest, so you won’t have to wait long, but listen to the whole thing, as it’s extremely fun. Thanks to everyone who showed up to drink and hoot at me, and anyone who tuned in.
Big-Assed Famous
Friends, I have arrived: I have finally made the local All-Things-Hoboken Web Site, Hoboken411.com. I can now begin stepping on all the little people. DAMN YOU, LITTLE PEOPLE, HOLDING ME BACK ALL THESE YEARS!
Although the photo they used of me makes me look like a hobo of some sort. Which means it’s entirely accurate, just unfortunate. This is why my official photos are all blurred. DAMN YOU AGAIN!
Also, Matt Good was kind enough to send me a link to his review of The Electric Church, which he apparently enjoyed, so check it out! Thanks, Matt!
On the Radio Again
Hola,
I’ll be appearing on the show “Seven Second Delay” on WMFU (www.wfmu.org) on Wednesday, 12/3, at 6PM. The show is broadcast live from Maxwell’s in my own Hoboken, NJ. Come on down and be part of the live audience and see me stammer in public! Why not!
WHERE: Maxwell’s, 1039 Washington Street, Hoboken, NJ (201)653-1703
WHEN: 6pm, Wednesday, 12/3/08
About the show: It’s done before a live studio audience at Maxwell’s (usually 40-70 guests) as well as broadcast live over WFMU radio. Past guests include Ira Kaplan of the band Yo La Tengo and author Mark Leyner. The hosts are Ken Freedman (the ‘straight-man’ & general manager of WFMU) and Andy Breckman (Exec Producer of TV show “Monk” and a former SNL writer).
See you there!
Alaska: Land of Bearded Mean and Country Music
Jeff & The Duchess’ Eating Tour of Alaska
by Jeff Somers
ONCE again I looked around groggily and found myself on an airplane, packed into a tiny little seat, sweating and needing to urinate desperately. I turned my head and sure enough, there was my wife, The Duchess, reading a tabloid magazine. She glanced up and smiled at me.
“Only eight hours to go!”
I stared in horror at her. “You drugged me again!”
She shrugged, looking back down at her magazine. “It’s the only way to get you on the plane. Otherwise you cause such a scene, what with the crying and the begging and the sudden, mysterious loss of your pants.”
She sighed. “And you just missed the beverage cart.”
It had all started months before, when The Duchess had reminded me that her birthday was coming up. This is always dangerous territory, because a certain amount of pomp is required for The Duchess’ birthdays, and any perceived lack of pomp or enthusiasm for pomp is punished, immediately and severely. Generally speaking, The Duchess likes to celebrate each birthday in a different exotic locale, the farther away the better. Now, since I rank traveling to exotic locales on the same level as having oral surgery, I’m always falling short on the enthusiasm part. This is dangerous, because The Duchess has a keen eye for lack of enthusiasm. Under her steely gaze I often get nervous and made terrible, terrible mistakes. Like suggesting that we travel to Alaska to celebrate her birthday because I’m too stupid to realize that Alaska is further away from New York than just about everywhere else in the universe.