Writing

Detained Chapter 5

I’ll be posting one chapter of my novel Detained every week throughout 2021. Download links below!

5. Candace

He came to save her from the Most Boring Mole Ever and she was eternally grateful. The guy—Andy, if that was his real name—seemed nice enough, although his eyes went and lingered places on her anatomy she didn’t appreciate. She had a sense that he was the sort of young kid who got a little drunk and made passes at waitresses like her, then grinned and was sorry-not-sorry when he got called out on his shit. He was also, she thought, the sort of guy who thought he was a lot more charming than he really was, as he seemed instantly convinced she was really into him.

She kept a smile on her face. She’d been through this a million times: Tourist hunters in town for a night or three, mistaking her professional politeness for attraction. She had a collection of matchbooks, business cards, napkins, and other trash with phone numbers. She didn’t know why she kept them.

“Jack says there’ll be sandwiches,” Mike said, suddenly appearing next to her. “Couple of minutes.”

“Thank god,” Andy said, smiling. “And beer, I hope.”

She thought his smile was good, but calculated. She was trying to watch him like a disinterested observer. To judge his performance, and she thought it was good—if she’d hadn’t remembered checking the bathroom earlier in the evening, if the place hadn’t been so empty, making it easy for her to note the sudden appearance of an unfamiliar face—she might have been fooled. Mad One Jack’s never got crowded in the way she saw bars on TV get crowded, but there were a few nights every week when there were a couple dozen folks moving through the place, mostly travelers stopping off for a beer and a bite. The town was ten miles east and population less than a hundred, so off-season the bar was usually pretty dead.

Did Hammond decide on the mole strategy without knowing the situation? If she’d known how empty the bar was, she would never have imagined the ploy would work. She thought that indicated the Colonel and her crew, whatever they were, had put this operation together quickly.

“Do me a favor,” Mike said to Andy. “Check on Jack in the kitchen, see if he needs any help?”

She admired the dim smile Mike put on his face, looking for all the world like an idiot. Andy nodded.

“Sure,” he said, and walked off.

She watched that dumb smile fade. “Who are you?” she asked, and was immediately embarrassed.

He smiled. “Thanks for the distraction. I know it was kind of a shitty, sexist thing for me to say, but I honestly didn’t have a better idea.”

She shrugged. “I’ll take it as a compliment. I always used to tell my Dad my job was hot waitress.” She bit off the second part of that sentence: Wishing he was still around for her to gloat about being right.

He smiled, then leaned in and filled her in on the plan, such as it was. She liked the way he smelled. He wasn’t wearing any sort of cologne, it was just him: Sweat and something else, something sexy and interesting.

“The best thing to do with a spy,” he said in a low, intimate voice, “isn’t to stonewall. Spies get suspicious when they’re not hearing anything. The best thing to do is to feed them something totally useless, but busy.”

She nodded. “Sandwiches.”

He grinned. “Yup, we all just had a big, serious discussion about sandwiches.”

“That was smart. Where’d you learn to think like that?”

He shrugged. “I’ve been … I guess the best word is studying. I’ve been taking classes with people. Experts. Anyone with a skill or a point of view. I travel to them, spend some time with them, try to learn something new. Sometimes it’s a waste of time. Sometimes it’s just fun. Sometimes I learn something really amazing.”

She raised an eyebrow, thinking this was the weirdest thing she’d ever heard … but kind of cool, too. “So you’re just traveling around with your black no-limit credit card, studying the world.”

He laughed, face reddening, and she liked that he was awkward about it. “I, er, came into some money. All right: A lot of money. I was really young and my parents were both dead.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, worried that she’d put her foot in it.

He waved her off. “It was a long time ago—now. Back then, I was sixteen when Mom passed and it was ugly. Anyway, my grandfather on Mom’s side was rich, like, epically rich, and he’d always intended to leave everything to me because he hated my father. So when he passed away, I inherited … well, a lot of money and I was twenty years old.”

“Jesus.” She tried to imagine herself suddenly wealthy at twenty. What would she have done? Given Dad the retirement he deserved, certainly. Would she have gone to school, become an artist? She thought so, but twenty seemed so long ago, like a different country.

He was looking around, watching. She was amazed at how easily he’d taken charge, someone none of them had met before, someone none of them knew. She trusted him, though. Something about him seemed reliable, real. Like he was a what-you-see-is-what-you-get sort of guy.

“Anyway, I wasn’t ready for it. I spent ten years partying. Like, seriously partying. Heavy stuff. I should have died a bunch of times. I built up this group of … well, I called them friends but they were just leeches and enablers, really. Had a ball, for a while. Met a … ” he hesitated, looking down at his shoes for just a moment, but she thought it looked incredibly sad. “Met a girl,” he finished quietly. “She was messed up, like me, but we loved each other.” He suddenly looked up at her, directly into her eyes. “She died. And it was my fault. I mean, I didn’t kill her or anything, but it was the way we lived, the way I lived. I loved her, but I loved the party more, and so she died.”

Without realizing it, she’d reached out and put her hand on his arm. The pain in his face was real.

“Anyway,” he said, clearing his throat and smiling. “I sobered up after that. Checked in with my finance guy, and was surprised to learn I was still pretty rich, though I’d blown a huge amount of it. I was thirty-something and I’d spent most of my youth in a haze, and I realized somehow I’d felt sorry for myself because my parents had been taken from me. I felt like an idiot, suddenly, and so I decided I needed to clear my head. I needed to grieve for Julia, I needed to do something, learn something, broaden my horizons. So that’s what I’ve been doing for a year and a half now.” He looked around again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to just dump all that. It just came out. What about you? What’s your story?”

She tried to put an expression of self-mockery on her face. “Oh, you know: Just a small town girl, living in a lonely—actually, you can’t even call this a small town, we’re like fifty people living in the woods with a road and a post office—”

“Yeah, I passed through town—what is it, population seventy, there’s a feed store and a diner.”

She nodded. “Yup. So, micro-town girl thinks she’s going to be an artist. Wins an award in junior year of high school, but forgets that her graduating class is twenty kids, so the competition ain’t so hot. She figures she’ll take a job waitressing at Mad One’s because that’s what her mama did and that’s just what girls do around here, but she’ll do it for one year and save up and head out for New York City to attend art school.”

He smiled. “So far so good. What happened?”

She smiled back. “You mean, why is that girl still waitressing here instead of opening a gallery show in SoHo or at least married to some rich tourist who came through laying all the local waitresses?”

His smile kinked up. “Aside from the fact that I’d never use a word like laying, yeah, pretty much.”

She shrugged. “Well, Dad got sick. I stuck around to take care of him. His retirement dried up, and I started working extra shifts to pay bills, and when he died there was debt. Just nothing but debt. And I’ve just about cleaned it up, and was making plans to finally do something, take off, when this happens.”

“About to make a break for it, literally soldiers show up to stop you,” he said, sounding amused.

“Yes! Exactly! Not to sound all self-important, but it’s like the universe doesn’t want me to leave.”

“Maybe so you could meet me.”

She could tell, the moment he said it he wished he hadn’t, and an awkward moment welled up between them. She’d never felt this comfortable with someone this quickly, and he wasn’t even trying. She’d seen guys try. She’d seen them try so damn hard, and this was the opposite.

Suddenly there was a commotion, and they both spun to see the tourist, Simms, standing near the front door, looking agitated.

“You can’t just hold us here without some sort of authority!” he was saying, sounding more exasperated than afraid. Two soldiers stood in front of him, impassive. Nearby, the nerdy-looking man with the glasses took no notice, working on his laptops. “Jesus, we’re American citizens and this is native soil. You haven’t shown us any sort of authorization. I think you’re just trying to intimidate us.”

Glen Eastman started towards him. “Mr. Simms,” he said in the sonorous voice Candace remembered so well from her school days, being ordered to do laps, “step back here and let’s talk about this.”

“Dude,” Jimmy Haggen said drunkenly from behind the bar, where he’d set himself up as the unofficial bartender. “Let the tourist go if he wants to go!”

Simms waved a hand impatiently behind him. “I’m walking out this door. Anyone puts a hand on me, they’re going to be hearing from my lawyer.”

“Right on!” Haggen cheered, enjoying himself. Candace felt a wave of revulsion. It had been nearly two decades, but she still couldn’t believe she’d dated him.

Suddenly, the man in the glasses spoke. His voice was high-pitched and breathy. “Mr. Simms, no one will lay a hand on you.” He turned around in his seat and stared at the balding man with a blank, flat expression. “We will shoot you if you try to walk out that door. Do you understand?”

Simms turned and looked back at the other detainees for a moment, his expression uncertain. Then he set his mouth firmly and turned back. “I’m going out that door, and you have no right to stop me, mister.”

The man in the glasses nodded. He gestured, and one of the two soldiers unsnapped his holster and drew his weapon, a black automatic pistol. He held it down by his thigh, his finger along the side instead of on the trigger, but Candace still jumped at the sight of it, adrenaline dumping into her veins. She was used to guns; she’d grown up with them and had been on more hunting trips than she could remember, but there was something about a handgun that was somehow more threatening than a hunting rifle.

“Kevin,” Mike said. “Come on, buddy, they’re serious. Step back and let Mr. Haggen pour you a drink.”

“Fuck that!” Jimmy shouted. “Stand up, Kev! Show ?em who’s boss!”

“Jimmy, shut up!” Candace hissed.

Simms hesitated, and half turned back, shaking his head. Candace felt herself relax. Then, suddenly, he pushed aside one soldier and made a run for the door.

Everything happened in a blur. She saw Mike take a step forward instinctively. She heard Glen shout something. Her whole body tensed up, and she watched the second soldier raise his sidearm just as Simms pushed past him. She heard the shot, louder than she would have thought possible in the stillness of the bar. She saw Simms flail backwards as if he’d been shoved by some invisible giant.

Someone was screaming. It took a moment to realize it was her.

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Detained Chapter 4

I’ll be posting one chapter of my novel Detained every week throughout 2021. Download links below!

4. Mike

Colonel Hammond glanced up, studied him for a moment, then waved him into the office. It was a tiny, cramped space; a small metal desk and filing cabinet filled it almost completely, so that anyone seeking to sit behind the desk had to maneuver their way there very carefully, bending into ridiculous poses. He tried to imagine the Colonel making herself look ridiculous in order to sit there and couldn’t; she didn’t look like someone who took being made ridiculous lightly.

“Yes?” she said, glancing down at the file she’d been reading.

Mike took his own moment to study her. She didn’t look well, he thought. Stress, maybe. Or a guilty conscience. She was flushed, and had dark bags under her eyes. He thought she looked exhausted, and tense. He tried to keep his eyes and ears open, seeking every possible detail—they were at a severe disadvantage regarding information, and if they were going to survive, or escape, they would need to know a lot more than they already did.

“You asked for a liaison,” he said. “I’m it.”

She looked up again. “Congratualtions, Mr.—?”

He smiled. “Don’t pretend you don’t know all our names.”

She nodded, leaning back. “All right, Mr. Malloy. What can I do for you?”

“Let us walk out of here? Tell us what’s going on? Explain your legal authority for detaining us?”

She stared back at him, expressionless. He sighed. “Didn’t think so. The owner wants permission to go in the kitchen and make up something to eat for anyone who wants it. He’d be happy to rustle up something for your people, too, if you can let us know which government agency or Joint Chief to send the invoice.”

She didn’t smile. After a moment, she nodded. “I’ll detail two guards to supervise. Only McCoy in the kitchen, no one else.”

He nodded. “What about our families, jobs, et cetera? We all have people who will miss us.”

Hammond shook her head. “Actually, you don’t.”

Mike had known this was a bluff in regards to himself. He’d been drifting for a year now, no permanent address, his most frequent contact being his attorney and his broker, neither of whom he counted as a friend, and neither of whom would expect a call from him at any specific time. He was surprised at how certain she was of the others—surely one of them had someone who would check on them—but she did have dossiers on all of them. He shifted his weight but didn’t pursue it further.

“Anything else, Mr. Malloy?”

He hesitated, but shook his head. “No. Thank you.”

He turned and one of the soldiers escorted him out. In the hall he glanced into the bathroom, another soldier standing outside it on guard.

At the bar, the skinny guy named Jimmy was pouring shots and handing them off. Everyone was gathered there, even the fat bald guy with glasses. The soldiers stood around the perimeter, watchful. Mike noted the presence of Bathroom Guy, but said nothing.

“Bad idea,” he said, joining the group.

Jimmy smiled. “My specialty.”

“We should stay clear and sober. We don’t know what’s going on.”

Jimmy lifted the shot glass and toasted him. “Fuck you.”

Mike took a deep breath. He had a pretty good idea he could take on Jimmy, if he had to, but the last thing they needed was a brawl. He glanced at the bald tourist and held out his hand. “Mike Malloy.”

The bald man jumped a little, surprised to be brought into the conversation. He reached out and shook; his hand was clammy, his grip soft. “Kevin Simms,” he said, smiling nervously. “Jesus, I picked the wrong place to get dinner.”

Mike nodded, let go, and dismissed him: A tourist hunter, probably more interested in getting away from his wife (the wedding band on his finger was plain and lodged permanently on the sausage-like digit) than any actual sport. He turned to Bathroom Guy.

“Mike Malloy.”

Bathroom Guy startled a little, then smiled sheepishly and shook hands. “Andy Powell,” he said. “Jesus, huh?”

Mike smiled, nodding, and putting everything he had into putting on a friendly demeanor. “You said it.” He turned as naturally as he could and touched Candace on the shoulder, enjoying the contact with her, no matter how brief.

“Got a sec?” He said, smiling and staying relaxed.

She stared at him a moment, then suddenly loosened and smiled. “Of course!” she said, and followed him to the back end of the bar, away from everyone and as far from the groups of soldiers as possible.

“I need to ask a kind of ridiculous favor,” he said, watching her carefully. He didn’t know her, though he felt instinctively like he did know her, somehow. He wasn’t sure how his next suggestion was going to go over. “I need you to, um, distract him.”

She raised an eyebrow and leaned in. But she seemed amused instead of angry, which he took to be a good sign. “Distract? The guy from the bathroom?”

He nodded. “Andy. Look, I know that’s … weird, but we need to be able to talk without a spy standing right there, and we also need to keep the fact that we know he’s a plant secret. I know I’m making … a couple of big assumptions here, but there’s no time for a long think on the subject, you know?”

He was embarrassed. For a moment she just stared at him and he wondered if he was going to get slapped in the face, or dressed down for assuming she was the only one who could “distract” Andy, and was already scrambling for the words to explain that he’d come to her because she was the only one he trusted at the moment, for reasons beyond his ability to explain. Then she smiled and nodded.

“Absolutely.” Then she winked. “Watch the master work.”

She turned and walked around him. He realized his pulse was pounding, and he felt an odd wave of affection for her. He’d met Candace Cuddyer an hour ago and she’d become his favorite person in the whole world already.

He watched as she rejoined the group at the middle of the bar, jostling Andy as she did so. She turned and touched his arm, apologizing, and then they were talking.

Mike smirked to himself. It was just that easy. As he watched, she expertly kept pushing him further and further away as she talked, all simply by moving in subtle ways, invading his personal space. Silently tipping his hat to the Master, Mike walked back to the rest of them, and leaned in close so he could speak low.

“We got a few things to discuss, quickly,” he said, but was immediately interrupted by the older man in the fishing vest—Candace had introduced him as Glen Eastman, he recalled.

“What about him?”

They followed his gaze to the short man in the glasses and the slicked-back hair. He was seated at one of the tables and had two laptops open, the tablet held in one hand as he tapped at the keyboards with the other.

“That’s it,” Simms said. “He set himself up, and hasn’t moved.”

“What she say about food?” McCoy asked.

“Go ahead,” Mike said. He thought: Okay, McCoy’s super practical, Eastman’s already pissy about everything, and Simms just wants to please. He pushed people into quick little boxes, fully prepared to move them if proved wrong. “She said she’d have two grunts stand guard over you.”

McCoy nodded. “I’ll make up some sandwiches. Whatever else is going on, we gotta eat.”

Mike thought that was sensible enough, and nodded. McCoy moved off. Mike looked at Jimmy Haggen, then dismissed him and caught McCoy by the sleeve. “What about weapons? Aside from that accident waiting to happen you had earlier. Anything else in this place?”

McCoy nodded slowly. “There’s a pump-action in the office,” he said, hesitated, then nodded decisively. “That’d be all of them. Aside from my hunting gear.”

“Weapons?” Simms said nervously, smiling around as McCoy walked away. “Are we crazy? The place is crawling with soldiers! You want to pull out a goddamn shotgun?”

Mike didn’t look at him. “Mr. Simms, I’m just taking stock of our resources.”

Jimmy raised another shot glass. “Thank goodness you’re here to be in charge,” he said, and downed the shot.

“He’s got a signal,” Eastman said suddenly. He was looking at the man who’d come with Hammond.

“Satellite,” Mike said. “They’re blocking normal data networks. His must be … ” he trailed off.

“Military?” Simms asked.

“Corporate?” Glen offered.

Mike shrugged. “Not blocked,” he said after a moment.

“Could we find out the password? Use it?”

Mike shook his head. “I doubt it. It’s probably not a normal cell phone connection or WiFi connection, and it’s likely encrypted with a baked-in hardware key.” They all stared at him. “I invested in a lot of hardware companies,” he said by way of explanation.

“Oooh la la,” Jimmy said, grinning.

“Listen,” he said, ignoring Haggen and watching Candace chatting up the Bathroom Guy. “What we need right now is information. We don’t know anything. Why they’re really here. Who they really are. We have no connections to the outside world. We need info. So what I’d suggest is simple—be nosy. Wander, pretend you don’t understand where you’re not supposed to be. Eavesdrop, keep your eyes open.” He pulled out his own phone and glanced at the time. “Let’s meet back at the bar in half an hour, report anything we can figure out.”

Eastman and Simms nodded crisply; he thought Simms looked pleased, but Eastman looked irritated. He took a chance and looked at Haggen, who had the blurry look of the drunk.

“You want to help out?” Miked asked.

Jimmy shook his head and didn’t look at him. “You take point on that shit, boss,” he said. “I don’t do as I’m told.”

Mike wanted to hit him. This was not the time for childish bullshit. But he would be just as bad as him if he fell for it, so he looked at Simms and Eastman. “All right, let’s go see what we can find out.”

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Be Willing to Abandon Your Ideas

One of the most difficult things to do with a piece of fiction is to diagnose what’s wrong with it. That’s one reason we writers often pull in Beta Readers and other folks to offer up objective feedback, because as the creator and adoring god of our fictional universe we sometimes can see its flaws clearly.

Recently, while working on a novel I’ve been trying to get off the ground for a while, I was reminded of a basic mistake you can make when writing any fiction: Hanging onto ideas long after they’ve been proved to be not working.

Kill Them So Your Story May Live

Every story begins with ideas — interesting bits and pieces you want to explore. Sometimes that’s a character who pops into your head and demands attention, sometimes it’s a great sci-fi premise or a perfect murder mystery. And that main idea will inspire a bunch of other ideas that at first blush often seem perfect and foundational.

But sometimes ideas don’t stay fresh, and they can actually sour to the point where they’re actively hurting your story. But it’s hard to let go. Sometimes it’s the Fallacy of Sunk Costs that makes us think since we’ve already spent 20,000 words and several weeks of our lives on developing an idea we have to keep carrying it to the end. Sometimes it’s just the belief that if the idea was part of our original inspiration for the story, we have to carry it to the end.

You don’t.

Jettisoning an idea that might be cool but isn’t working with the story as it has evolved is tough, but often yields a burst of energy. That novel I mentioned earlier is set in a prison, and part of the original idea involved a group dedicated to planning an escape. The main character is jaded and disinterested in escape, believing it to be pointless, and I originally imagined getting a lot of tension out of that dynamic.

But as I worked on the story, I found myself continuously having to remind myself about the escape stuff, and shoe-horning it in. Eventually the novel kind of collapsed on itself, and I took a step back, trying to figure out if it was salvageable. I concluded it was — but decided I needed to lose the escape stuff. On paper it was a good idea. In practice, it was getting in the way of the emerging story I was interested in. Dropping that idea turned out to be the secret; after ditching it, I tore through a revision with renewed energy.

The moral of this post is simple: Don’t get too attached to ideas. With ideas, being “good” isn’t enough — they have to work. Being willing to drop a perfectly good idea is often the difference between a successful first draft and a novel that just sucks your energy dry and refuses to take its final form.

Of course, sometimes every idea is terrible, like that time when I had really long hippie hair as a teenager and went to my old Italian barber and asked for a ‘trim’ despite his clear hostility.

The Bleeder

You can’t always control where your muse takes you. I was surprised in 2020 that my brain started noodling on The Ustari Cycle again, eventually leading to Idolator. I really enjoyed revisiting Lem and Mags and that greasy world of blood magic. Apparently my underbrain really enjoyed it, because shortly after publishing that story I started thinking about a new idea. The result? The Bleeder, coming March 15, 2021 and available for pre-order.

In the world of blood magic, Bleeders are often treated as livestock — as sources for sacrificial blood. When he makes the desperate decision to join a risky magical heist, Lem Vonnegan’s refusal to bleed anyone but himself for his spells causes tension from the get-go — and then things go really, really bad.

Here’s a video teaser for ya:

Are you excited? I’m excited. You can pre-order The Bleeder right now!

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Bad Writing and the Busy Emergency

Writing a story can be hard work. There’s a huge difference between a premise and a plot, and bridging that gap can be difficult. I’ve certainly had plenty of experiences where a bright, shiny inspiration that seems destined to blossom into a robust novel turns out to have just enough gas to make a short story. Or the realization that the story I’m working on is boring me to death even though it’s technically novel-length and a real story.

In either situation, the weary writer will lean back from their keyboard and scratch their chin thoughtfully and contemplate how to salvage the situation. And sometimes they will make the terrible mistake of ginning up a Busy Emergency, which is a term I just made up.

The Midnight Sky

I started thinking about this while watching The Midnight Sky, a film directed by George Clooney, currently streaming on Netflix.

Some mild spoilers to follow.

It’s an okay film in which Clooney plays a dying scientist who remains behind at an isolated Arctic research station when it’s evacuated due to a global catastrophe that soon leaves pretty much the whole of humanity dead. He stays behind to contact the crew of the Aether, a spaceship returning from a mission to determine if one of Jupiter’s moons is habitable. They don’t know they’re returning to a planet that’s become a deathtrap, and Clooney’s character wants to warn them.

That’s an intriguing premise! The film itself is a bit slow, but well made. At one point about forty minutes in, however, someone lost faith in the forward momentum of their story and introduced a Busy Emergency.

A Busy Emergency is when you thrust your characters into a panic situation just to give your story some oomph, some sudden energy. It can serve to demonstrate their skills or the way they handle stress, and it can even tie into your larger plot. But even if it does, it’s generally a meaningless jolt of action designed to juice up a sleepy story. It’s easy to diagnose: If you can remove it and its consequences without changing the core of the story, then you know it exists just because the writer was worried they needed something to wake up the reader/audience.

In The Midnight Sky, life on board the Aether is presented as pretty comfortable. It’s one of those spaceships with perfect simulated gravity and lots of creature comforts. Everyone is nice, and two of the astronauts have started a relationship and gotten pregnant. The crew experiences some mounting anxiety when they can’t contact anyone on Earth, but otherwise their sole purpose in the story is to give Clooney’s character a reason to do things (there’s also a twisty bit that you can see coming from a mile away that emotionally links Clooney to the crew).

Suddenly, the Aether veers off course! Everyone on the ship leaps into action, fiddling with this or that and analyzing the situation. They determine they can still get to Earth, but will have to pass through an area of the solar system that has never been charted, so they don’t know what to expect. This Busy Emergency leads to some tragic consequences for the crew, but ultimately has zero impact on the trajectory of the plot. If you removed it entirely and just had the Aether sailing homeward in untroubled space waters, not much would change.

Busy Emergencies are usually a sign that you are stretching a premise, like taking a short story and making it into a novel. They can be short, intense scenes designed to offer an adrenaline spike, or they can be lengthy action sequences — possibly very good action sequences — that just don’t accomplish much.

The rule of thumb is, if you can remove a sudden infusion of action without requiring extensive rewrites, it’s probably a Busy Emergency and you should contemplate why it’s in there. Of course, you can make a Busy Emergency into a more organic bit of plotting if you figure out how to make it essential, if you can get it to do some plot work or character work — if you can make it into a sequence that would actually matter if it was removed.

Of course, a Busy Emergency is better than a Busy Disaster, which is what I wind up calling most of my failed novels. It’s also, not coincidentally, a cocktail I invented in which I pour the dregs of whatever’s left in my bar into a glass and chug it, then wake up a week later.

Dealing with Rejection

Something every writer has to deal with — and I do mean every writer — is rejection. Creative work is subjective to the Nth degree, and no matter what you will be rejected when you pitch ideas or submit work. In fact, I’ve experienced so much rejection in my own career success actually feels ominous to me. When I get turned down I sleep like a baby. When someone wants to buy a story I go on a bender and find myself at the bus depot, weeping and tearing at my clothes.

Infinite Variety

Rejection comes in many forms. There are, of course, those delicious rejection notes telling you with aggressive politeness that your work isn’t quite what the editors are looking for. There are the rejected pitches, which is usually an implied rejection in that the editor simply chooses not to buy it instead of explicitly rejecting it. There’s the peculiar joy of edit letters, where a story that was ostensibly not rejected gets such a heavy edit it’s almost the same thing. And then there’s the worst possible rejection — rejection after the fact, when you sell something and then the editor kills it for any number of reasons.

This is all great fun. But it’s part of the deal. When you try to put your work out there for money, you open yourself up to rejection. Learning how to deal with rejection is as important a skill as you can master in this business. You can’t let it get to you, or slow you down. Because if you do, you won’t get anything done.

Here’s how I deal with rejection. Your rejection is your own. You should give it a name and hug it to yourself when you sleep at night, and your way of dealing with it may be quite different — that’s okay.

1. Don’t linger. When I get a rejection — and again, I get a lot of them — I just mark it down and move on. I don’t think about it. At all. I don’t wonder why, I don’t analyze it, I don’t drink a bottle of whiskey and stare into the abyss. Or, yes, I do drink a bottle of whiskey, but for totally different reasons.

2. Get back in the saddle. When a story, novel, or pitch gets rejected, I immediately put it back on my list of things to submit. I aim to get it back into circulation as quickly as possible. I don’t care how many times something’s been rejected, because it only takes one person to buy it.

3. Wait a beat. Often, rejection comes with feedback. It’s tempting to read and digest that feedback immediately, but I recommend you wait. Reading feedback when you’re still upset from the rejection itself usually means you won’t be able to absorb whatever advice is contained in the rejection — or be able to tell good feedback from bad.

4. I drink. Heavily, sometimes.

Get used to rejection. The key is to realize that being rejected doesn’t mean you’re a bad writer, it just means you haven’t found a home for that particular piece yet. And maybe you never will, but that’s okay. Learning to keep moving forward in spite of rejection is probably the most important skill any writer can master.

That and appearing to be sober on Zoom calls when you’ve been drinking since 6AM. Of course.

New Podcast Episode

I done did it again: A new episode of The No Pants Cocktail Hour is up for your listening enjoyment.

This time around I discuss my short story No Great Trick, which was written when I was still commuting into New York City every day for my job, skulking in an office full of cubes and exhausting personal drama.

The story was published in 2003 at the defunct Drexel Online Journal, but I pubbed it here on this blog a few years ago, so you can read along with me if that’s your thing!

Aces.

Don’t Buy Tools. Just Read More.

Ah, freelanced writing: The ideal career for people who hate comfort and serenity. It combines a few terrible things with one awesome thing: You get constant change and a lack of security, constant nerve-wracking negotiation and the occasional dispiriting edit, but at the end of the day you get to write things for a living, and that is marvelous.

It’s also mysterious and opaque for a lot of folks, which inspires some magical thinking. One question I’ve seen frequently concerning freelance writing as a career concerns tools: Things like Grammarly or FocusWriter that either purport to make your work better or help you to work better.

There’s nothing wrong with using (or paying for) tools that legitimately help you, and experienced writers can make those decisions on their own. But the questions I’ve seen recently concern the need for these tools — as in, do you need certain tools to be successful as a freelance writer?

And the answer is simple: Absolutely not.

Read Moar Books

The idea that you can pay a subscription to the right service and instantly (and easily) improve your writing and/or your income is fantasy. Grammarly is often required by clients, and I understand why, but let’s be blunt: Grammarly is trash and at least 50% of its suggested revisions make your writing arguably worse (it does often catch boneheaded mistakes that can slip past a tired eye, so it’s not worthless — but it won’t transform your work in any meaningful or positive way, aside from apparently eradicating the phrase “in order to” from the English language, for some reason). And if you need help focusing, why not use an App or plugin designed to help you do so — but that doesn’t mean your work will be appreciably better as a result.

The only way to be a better writer is to read more. For fiction, that means books and stories. For freelance, it can be helpful to look at what other people are doing in your niche, especially folks writing for A-List web sites or mainline print venues. Study their tricks. Mimic their ledes. Just absorb it all as enthusiastically as you can — that’s how you’ll get better. All the Apps in the world won’t help.

Of course, once the next iteration of GPT-3 starts producing writing that doesn’t read as if it were written by your slightly creepy older cousin who spends their spare time reading the dictionary, we’ll all be redundant anyway. And, I assume, the phrase “in order to” will cease to exist.

The Vanishing

LIKE a lot of writers, I read a lot of books. If you’re a writer who doesn’t read a lot — and read widely — reconsider your life choices, because I can tell writers who don’t read, or who only read narrowly. The former write like they’re describing a movie, and the latter write in a specific, usually quite stilted style (I have one writer acquaintance who thinks everything written after 1950 or so is trash, and their work reads like a gentleman of leisure in 1870 decided to try his hand at popular fiction).

Reading widely can be a burden, of course. In my professional life I review books, which means I sometimes encounter truly terrible novels written by people with more ambition and discipline than talent. I admire anyone who writes a novel — truly — but the desire to write isn’t always enough to produce something great.

But reading these bad novels gives me plenty of insight into what people get wrong. An example that’s come up a few times in recent books I’ve read is the Vanishing Character. It goes like this: The story begins with Character A, an spends a goodly amount of time with them — sometimes dozens of pages, multiple chapters worth of story. Then Character A vanishes for a long, long time. Like, completely, totally, entirely vanishes.

John Travolta in Pulp Fiction Looking Around in Confusion

There’s nothing wrong with vanishing a character, even for a very long time. But you have to consider how your reader will react, and you have to have a very clear purpose. If your character is vanishing because you ran out of story to tell about them, you need to rethink your story and its structure. If you have a plan for that character that involves making the reader forget about them so you can surprise them later, you need to think objectively about whether you’re pulling that off — about whether your readers will be fooled, or if they’ll spend the middle section of your story wondering why the character disappeared.

Because the real risk is that your story will feel like two separate books, pasted together — especially if your vanished character never turns up again, their purpose served. If the character’s purpose is purely back story or set up, think about how much time you’re spending on them. Readers can more readily accept a vanished character in what’s clearly a prologue or short back story chapter as opposed to half the novel.

Finally, consider tone and genre. I recently read a book with a vanished character where the beginning of the story is soaked in magic and occult happenings. Then the character vanishes, and the middle section of the book reads like a completely different story, with exactly zero of those things. You can get away with one of those things, but rarely both.

Some people ask me if reading bad novels can rub off on you and make your own writing worse just as great novels can make your writing better. The answer is, gobs, I hope not <uncorks bottle and drinks directly from it for several seconds>.

I Can’t Quit You

Just about every writer has That Book. You know the one: You started it when you were a much younger person, filled with hope. It keeps dying on the vine. Sometimes you make it 50,000 words through before it melts away like an ice cream in the rain, sometimes you write 65 versions of the first paragraph before setting yourself on fire.

But you always go back.

You go back because there’s something there. Maybe it’s a premise you love, but can’t make work. Maybe it’s a character that continues to live in your brain rent free. Maybe it’s just some especially good writing you haven’t been able to marry to a coherent story yet. Whatever the reason, the project goes in and out of drawers and recent files lists, never quite abandoned, never quite finished.

The Balance

I have a writer friend who has been working on the same novel his entire life. Literally, one novel. He’s written a very small number of other things, but this one novel has been his obsession for decades. Technically, he’s finished dozens of versions of it — complete, coherent novels. But he’s never quite satisfied, and he keeps going back to it and starting over. He tries different approaches, tweaks the characters, updates the setting, changes the rules. Sometimes he stops work on it for years at a time and just lives his life, not writing anything.

That last part is alien to me, but I wonder sometimes if I should take a note or two from the rest of his approach. I’m generally a fast writer. I like my first drafts (probably too much) and usually tear through a story pretty quickly. But I wonder sometimes if I shouldn’t, if maybe I might benefit from letting more stories sit and marinate for long periods. But who has time? I’m going to die someday, kids. I can’t take the risk that I’ll be leaving a notebook filled with idea I never got around to working on.

I do have a novel I can’t quit. It’s been two years now, which I know for some writers isn’t very long, but for me that’s unusual. I love all the parts of the novel, but I don’t like the whole they Voltron into. And so I keep putting it aside, then tearing it open and trying to find a new path for the characters and setting and bits of business in there that I do love.

I’m not sure this book will ever be a success, but unlike almost all my other weird failures, this one is still alive in my head. Usually when I hit a certain level of frustration with a book I start to drift away from it, and slowly forget it. Sometimes, if I’m 95% to an actual novel, I’ll put in the effort to cruft up a serviceable ending because I’m a completist, but that’s with the full knowledge that the book is going into a drawer probably forever after that. But this one keeps whispering to me that there’s a plot that will pull it all together, I just have to find it.

Strategery

So, if you’ve got a book that won’t gel but also keeps flopping around, refusing to suffocate, what can you do. Here’s how I’m going to try and get this thing finally off the ground:

1. Plantsing. As some of you no doubt know, I’m a Pantser by nature. I take an idea and run with it, and sometimes after several months of running I have a novel, sometimes an enormous mess. But when I’ve got a novel that’s a hot mess like this one, it can sometimes be very helpful to chart the plot I have, then plot out the rest of the book. The shift in approach often clarifies things.

2. Brain Salad Surgery. Sometimes when your plot sputters out halfway through like this, the problem isn’t figuring out where to go next, but to figure out where you went wrong 100 pages ago — or even further back. So if the Plantsing doesn’t yield fruit, I’ll probably try starting fresh with a brand new beginning, then slowly fold in stuff I like from later in the story. Sometimes that jolts things back to life.

3. Go Episodic. And sometimes the solution is to just keep writing. Just keep writing little vignettes and short stories and subplots and backstory and whatever else I can think of. The material produced probably ends up being cut in the theoretical future of this novel, but in the mean time my Underbrain might tease a solution out of the material. And if nothing else, some of those episodes might turn into standalone short stories.

I’ll keep y’all posted. In the mean time, if you’re working on a novel that just won’t give in and become great (or at least coherent), maybe try one of these tricks. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to start drinking. Don’t look at me that way. It’s my process.