Writing Without Rules

The Short Story Report

"The Winter Siege" & "Come and See" Covers

Well, 2024 is almost over, and I greet it as I do every year with a mixture of relief and sadness. Relief, because I survived one more year despite the universe’s animosity! And sadness because there are a lot of burritos I’ll never get to eat again. Measuring one’s life in burritos is not advisable, but here we are.

I could (and often do) measure my life in terms of short stories, because I am all about the short story. Sometimes I like to offer a report on my short stories to anyone who’s interested, because I know I love it when writers break down practical stuff like how much they write and what they make from it and all that. So let’s take a look at The Wondrous World of Jeff Somers through the lens of short story productivity.

This year I wrote 24 short stories, counting the one I’m currently working on that I will 100% finish by 12/31 or die trying. That’s pretty good – I always write a minimum of 12 (at least one a month), but I often think having ideas for stories is a good metric for how healthy my muse is. They might not all work, but at least I’m excited enough about concepts to put pen to paper.

Included in those 24 stories are Come and See and The Winter Siege, stories set in my Ustari Cycle and Avery Cates universes, respectively. You can read those by subscribing to my short fiction Substack.

I submitted 144 stories this year and sold two (History Porn over at Book XI and Lone Star. Deep Black. Hum. in Fission #4. A third story I sold last year published as well, Teeth Can Hardly Stand in Crimeucopia – Totally Psycho-Logical, and a fourth story that I originally sold back in 2019 finally published: A Permanent Vacation In the Void of Hunger appeared in Book of 42². I have one story on hold with an editor – they liked it but weren’t sure where they could place it, and so asked if I could let them sit on it for a few months.

Yes, two sales out of 144 subs is not a great sell rate, but I have a lazy firehose approach to submitting fiction, because I am a lazy man.

I earned $583 bucks off those short story sales, give or take, which isn’t retirement money but is whiskey money, so I’m happy about that. I’m more interested in getting my work published than getting paid for it, but I have found that holding out for pro rates on short stories generally means your stories have a better chance of actually being read.

So that’s the 2024 Short Story Report. I’ll be right back at it in 2025, assuming the vengeful universe doesn’t take me out.

Black House Chapter 22

As has become hallowed tradition, I’ll be posting my novel BLACK HOUSE on this blog one chapter per week in 2024.

22. A New Room

Marks opened his eyes. Had he actually fallen asleep? He startled forward, adrenaline pouring into his blood, and then froze, because it was completely silent. There wasn’t a hint of noise. After a moment he leaned back against the wall, feeling stiff. He smiled grimly and looked up at the ceiling.

“Dirty pool,” he whispered.

He didn’t know if Agnes was the owner of this awful place, the proprietor, or if she was an employee, but he’d taken to picturing her in the former capacity. In his memory, her beauty had taken on a brittle, theatrical tone, like a stage performer her looked beautiful and ethereal from a distance but was revealed as an illusion of thick makeup, shadows, and lighting when you got up close.

He let Dennis and Dee sleep. Dennis was propped up against the wall like Marks, and Dee lay sprawled on the hard floor. They both looked peaceful, and he knew the moment they woke up it would be back to the exhausting attempt to find their way out of this place. He told himself again that there had to be a way out. There had to be. It simply wasn’t possible that they’d been trapped in some hellish, otherworldly place that had no rules, no chance.

He nodded to himself, firmly.

“It’s so quiet.”

He turned and looked at Dennis, who still looked like a man who needed plenty of rest. “We got played. It was just making us run.”

“Son of a bitch,” Dennis said, sounding tired and not at all angry. “Anything left to eat?”

Marks rummaged in the backpack. “Two stale donuts, a power bar.” He pulled them out. “Might as well divide them up. Won’t do us any good unless we eat them.”

Dee woke up and they sat for a while eating what Marks comfortably considered the worst breakfast he’d ever had, passing around a bottle of water. When it was gone he shouldered the backpack and stood up. Dee looked up at him. “You got any ideas, Mr. Marks? Because it seems to me, we don’t get out of this place soon, we gonna fucking starve to death. And if we don’t get out of this maze of shitty rooms, we can’t get out of the larger place, right?”

He nodded. “There’s a way into this maze, so there’s a way out. All mazes are arranged in specific ways. This isn’t some hedge maze or corn maze—you know, the squiggly-line kind of mazes you find in puzzle books. This is a homogeneous room maze, where every room looks the same. Disorienting. So we have to stop looking at the rooms. The rooms are designed to be confusing, so stop looking at them and use an algorithm to choose your path.” He knelt down again, pulling the notebook from the backpack.

“You go to school for this, Marks?” Dennis asked tiredly.

“Look.” Marks quickly sketched four boxes on a page, then linked the boxes with lines stemming from their corners and sides. “There has to be an edge. If we keep heading in one direction, then switch to a ninety-degree angle when we can’t go in that direction any more, then switch to the far corner when we can’t go that way any more, and go around counter-clockwise or clockwise from there, eventually we make it to the perimeter. And the exit has to be on the perimeter somewhere. Or should be.”

Dennis and Dee both sighed. “All right,” Dee said, standing up. She couldn’t summon any actual enthusiasm for the idea. She suspected, strongly, that Marks was wrong and there were no rules. But she wasn’t ready to just sit down and give up, and so she was willing to try it.

Marks stood in the center of the room and chose the diagonal leading away to his right. In the next room he did the same, and so they followed what seemed like a straight line, cutting diagonally through room after room, each one exactly like the others. It remained incredibly quiet. They could hear their own heavy breathing and the scrape of their shoes on the rough plywood floors.

“What’s that, fifty?” Dennis asked after a while, wiping sweat from his face. “Sixty rooms?”

Marks nodded. “Seventy-three,” he said.

They walked on.

Marks wasn’t sure what was worse—the terror of the day before, fleeing from something unseen and monstrous, exhausted and horrified, or this silent plodding. They had nothing to say to each other and nothing to do but walk on and on. They didn’t even have any refreshments of any kind, aside from a half bottle of water. If they didn’t find their way out of the maze very soon, Marks knew they would simply die of thirst sitting on the floor of one of these maddening, identical rooms.

He wasn’t sure he remembered what he’d thought about his own demise prior to his … derangement, his tragedy, his brain injury, whatever it would be classified, but he doubted he’d ever expected to die sitting on the floor of a maze of unfinished new construction.

They walked on.

It was getting hotter. This became obvious as they walked, the air becoming jellied and heavy, sweat streaming from them. He called a break and passed the bottle around, and they all took tentative, unsatisfying sips. Then they walked on.

By the time they entered the room that no longer had an exit in the corner diagonally across from them, they’d all removed whatever layers they could, stuffing them into Marks’ bag. They were all soaked with sweat, and the rooms were like ovens, sizzling with a wet, damp heat. Marks imagined mold growing all over himself.

They stood and stared at the corner for a moment.

“All right,” Marks said. “Ninety degrees left.” He turned and walked towards the doorway.

They walked on.

No one spoke. Marks had lost count of the hours and the rooms; his last note, smeared by a sweaty hand, had over three hundred rooms. He couldn’t be certain that tricks weren’t involved, that Agnes might have found a way of switching around the rooms, or removing doors, or other pranks. He suspected, still, that this wouldn’t be allowed, but he was less and less confident of his muddled memories of the past, of the things about this strange, violent world he found himself in that he’d assumed he’d once found so familiar. He worried, silently, that in his arrogant assumption that his broken brain was serving up reliable information he’d gotten them all killed.

They walked on.

It became a sort of trance, just watching his own feet go one in front of the other, glancing up to spot the door on the opposite side of the new room and advancing on it. When they entered a room with no door on the opposite wall, Marks shuffled to a stop and stared dumbly for a moment.

“We’re at the far corner.”

There was no doorway in the corner, or ahead of them, or to their right. Marks’ thoughts felt thick and cloudy, but he imagined such a room and thought it must be in the northeast corner, which meant if they now turned to their left and kept going in a straight line, they would remain on the perimeter. Which would either lead them to the exit, or trap them even more firmly.

“If I’m right,” he said slowly, his mouth dry, “when we enter a room and there’s a doorway to our right, that’s the way out.”

Dennis and Dee said nothing. After a moment, Marks staggered for the doorway to their left, and didn’t turn to ensure they followed.

They walked on.

Marks stopped thinking. It hadn’t been that long, he didn’t think, but these new rooms had become his whole universe. At regular, drum-like intervals they crossed a threshold and the room beyond was the same as the room they’d just left, and it was easy to imagine that the rooms were gliding on casters or rails, moving the moment they stepped through the portal and gliding soundlessly around to become the next room in the progression.

And then they stepped into a room and there was a doorway leading diagonally off to their right.

He almost walked right past it, his eyes locked on the wall directly in front of him, even though there was no doorway. He stared dully and walked shamblingly until Dee’s voice stopped him.

“Hey!”

He turned back to tell her nothing mattered except getting to the next room, and the next room, and saw what she was looking at. Relief flooded him. He’d been right, and more than simply being right it proved this place, this black, terrible place, had rules. And he could perceive them. Or interpret them. Or make them, for all he knew, but for the moment he didn’t care. He started walking towards the doorway, and he knew that if he stepped through and found another newly built room smelling of damp joint compound, he would start laughing and he wouldn’t be able to stop, ever, and if this was an Insanity Engine it would be mission accomplished, well done.

He walked briskly. He stepped through, and felt the air change: He was in a hallway, and his heart started to pound. It was different. The hallway began with the same new construction palette, but slowly morphed into a finished space with rich wooden walls and flooring, leading to one of the heavy doors he’d gotten used to seeing. There was a carving in the center, but he didn’t even look at it, charging forward in desperate hope and crashing through, stopping in shock.

“Welcome!” Agnes said. Then she frowned, prettily. “Oh. You again.”

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Announcing Writing Without Rules: From the Notebook

Hello there—please excuse this random non-pop culture-related post, but since you’ve subscribed to Writing Without Rules: Deep Dives I thought you might be interested to know I’m launching a second Substack.

As you probably know1, I write at least one short story every month, longhand, in a spiral notebook. I’ve been doing this for decades, and have 35 battered notebooks filled with stories. Some of these turned out very well—some have sold to quite respectable places. Some are not so great, but many are great2 but not marketable for one reason or another.

But I want these stories to be read, so I’m launching Writing Without Rules: From the Notebook. For $5 a month (or $50 a year), you can read 4 of my short stories a month. That’s a pretty good deal, I think—just $1.25 per story. More like $1 if you spring for the year. And since I have a local bar that sells me shots of very cheap whiskey for a buck, you can be assured that every month you are buying me a round of drinks, as god intended.

Writing Without Rules: Deep Dives is going to remain 100% free. Some of you have pledged to pay a subscription for it, which I absolutely appreciate, but I think it works better as a free newsletter. If you enjoy my fiction or just my writing in general, consider signing up for From the Notebook. The stories will run the gamut of genre and style and will come from various times in my career, so lord knows what you’re going to get3.

The newsletter is launching on October 1st, 2023. Hope to see you on the mailing list. As always, if you have any questions, hit me at jdxs@jeffreysomers.com or anywhere on social media where I actually show up.

Writing Without Rules: Deep Dives

BECAUSE I apparently don’t have enough to do and can’t stop myself from writing about writing, I’ll be launching a whole new newsletter/essay series over at Substack on June 15, 2021: Writing Without Rules: Deep Dives.

Substack is a writing service where you can either read pieces right there on the site, or sign up for a weekly newsletter that appears via Internet Magic in your mailbox. While some folks monetize these newsletters, Deep Dives will be 100% free, unless you count the time spent reading my ravings and the possible reputational damage of being identified as someone who takes Jeff Somers seriously, which will be significant.

What will I be writing about over at Writing Without Rules: Deep Dives? Good question! The answer is right there on the tin: Whereas in most of my other writing about, er, writing I focus in on craft and technical stuff, over at Deep Dives I’ll be digging into the reasons why stories work. Most of what makes a story work or not work is kind of opaque and subterranean; you can get hung up on how to plot out a story or how to make characters sound like individual people on the page, but often what really determines the success or failure of a story has less to do with technical aspects like that and more to do with a certain je ne sais quoi. That je ne sais quoi is what we’ll be digging into, using pop culture — TV shows, movies, video games — as our examples.

Hopefully, it’ll be fun and interesting, especially to anyone who aspires to be a writer of fictions, or anyone who just likes thinking way too hard about TV shows and the like. And I promise to keep the pantsless jokes and whiskey references to a minimum.

So, hope to see you on June 15th. Until then, please go on over and sign up, share the link, and tell all your friends about this hot new piece of Somers Action. Wait, that came out wrong. Which button is erase

Writing Without Rules Launch Video

Remember our little launch event at Little City Books? OF COURSE YOU DO, I WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT. Anyways, here is the excellent, awesome, and incredibly video documentary of the event put together by the talented Bruce Meier of uhmm Ltd.

Writing Without Rules by Jeff Somers

Writing Without Rules: How to Write & Sell a Novel Without Guidelines, Experts, or (Occasionally) Pants Most writing guides imply–or outright state–that there’s a fixed, specific formula or list of rules you must follow to achieve writing and publishing success. And all of them are phonies. Well, not completely.

Writing Without Rules Launch

BAM!

We had the launch event for Writing Without Rules last night, at the totally awesome Little City Books in Hoboken, New Jersey last night, and it was awesome! Beer, wine, and whiskey, Jeff sweating profusely in front of a crowd, The Duchess taking charge and orchestrating everything, my agent gently mocking me from the front row — what could be better?

If you missed it, here are some incredible photos taken by the incredible Bruce Meier.

Writing in Real Time: Episode 3

Video: How to Determine Your Novel’s Word Count | Jeff Somers and the Rough Beast, Episode 3

Jeff Somers takes a moment to contemplate the utility (or lack thereof) of using word count as a progress bar in a book. He discusses the fact that his first published novel was far from oft-cited word counts for viable novels, and the fact that forcing yourself to write words you’re just going to delete later is a waste of time.