Author Archive: jsomers

Jeff Somers (www.jeffreysomers.com) was born in Jersey City, New Jersey and regrets nothing. He is the author of Lifers, the Avery Cates series published by Orbit Books, Chum from Tyrus Books, and We Are Not Good People from Pocket Books. He sold his first novel at age 16 to a tiny publisher in California which quickly went out of business and has spent the last two decades assuring potential publishers that this was a coincidence. Jeff publishes a zine called The Inner Swine and has also published a few dozen short stories; his story “Sift, Almost Invisible, Through” appeared in the anthology Crimes by Moonlight, published by Berkley Hardcover and edited by Charlaine Harris. His guitar playing is a plague upon his household and his lovely wife The Duchess is convinced he would wither and die if left to his own devices.

BoucherCon Day Two, Missive One

Author: October 15, 2010 7 Comments

So far BoucherCon has been an exhausting joy. Cons are always kind of manic – so many people, people who want to talk to you (yes, me, damn you; I am a popular and charming man), people you want to talk to, and just plain people, everywhere. Although, blessedly, at least no one here is wearing a costume.

Yesterday I did my 30-on-30 Panel, which was just me, a bottle of whiskey, and a microphone. Had a surprisingly high turn out – nothing record-breaking, but more people than I’d expected, included fellow authors Dan “The Krokinator” Krokos, fresh from witnessing a felony across the street, Patrick Lee, and Gary Corby, as well as Uber-Agent Suzi Townsend. Long, loooong videos of that panel appear below, for the curious. The Duchess worked the camera and actually shows herself a few times; wave at the screen when she appears!

Afterwards, I signed books in the Book Room, which was fun. I sat next to Yrsa Sigurðardóttir, who was very nice and invited The Duchess and I to look her up if we’re ever in Iceland. The kindness of people often startles me.

Then, the Opening Ceremonies, where Dana Cameron and Sophie Littlefield were robbed during the awards-giving, and Dennis Lehane brought down the house with an introduction to Lee Child (who wears the hell out of a suit, let me tell you) he sent in (he didn’t actually attend). Fun.

Then drinks, dinner, and hilarity with Janet My Agent, Krokos, Suzie, and the Slithery Barbara Poelle and her husband Travis. And now, resting up for Day Two!

Vids of my panel:

My introductory remarks:

My actual presentation:

Questions afterward:
This one turned out to be too long for Youtube, so until I have time to edit it a bit, it must wait. Sorry!

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BoucherCon Day One, Missive Two

Author: October 14, 2010 2 Comments

Well, after Janet My Agent’s uproarious panel, I had to hustle: Because I got my slot signiong books so late in the game no one had any of my books here. My publihser, god bless ’em, shipped a box overnight to me, and I had to worm my way into the bowels of the hotel to locate said box and retrieve it. It was a nightmare I will never speak of, nor will I ever explains these stains on my elbows.

Books in hand, I trooped to the Book Room to put on my salesman hat and convince some of the dealers there to offer them to ungry fans. While there my wife The Duchess spied Lee Child prowling around and rushed after him to get an autograph, which just underscored the difference between me (lugging my own books around like a loser) and Lee Child (elegant and being followed by a camera crew). Screw you, universe.

Then it was off to buy liquor for my 30-on-30 session. Right now I’m taking a quiet moment to gird my loins for that panel (and yes, “girding my loins” does mean “drinking booze”, what of it?). Whew!

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BoucherCon Day One, Missive One

Author: October 14, 2010 0 Comments

So, it’s 7AM here. After a long flight yesterday, The Duchess and I played some hooky and drove around Sonoma pretending we weren’t exhausted and bloated from the plane trip, then passed out in the hotel for a while. I tweeted our arrival and when I woke up this morning I had a bunch of “WE ARE IN THE BAR WHERE ARE YOU” messages, which makes me feel loved.

I’ve never done BoucherCon before, so this is going to be interesting. I’m attending my first panel at 10AM this morning (my lovely and fierce agent will be on it) and then we’re off to the races until my vaguely-defined, possibly career-ending 30-on-30 event at 3pm. Watch the skies for news of an author stripping naked and assaulting his audience around 3:20pm.

And now: Coffee, and lots of it. Then I register and take a spin around to orient myself. If you’re here, feel free to walk up to me and say hello – I’ll be the guy in glasses, unshaven, wearing his standard Author Costume: Wrinkled shirt, jeans, sneakers, blue blazer, hangover, defeat, and suspicion.

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Bouchercon Followup

Author: October 12, 2010 0 Comments

Okey dokey, so here’s my Bouchercon schedule in case anyone out there is also going and wants to track me down. I don’t carry a cell phone, so too bad on that front. Yer just going to have to find me!

I start at the Con on Thursday morning. I’ll be running around like a jackass – try to hit me on Twitter or email if you’re looking for me. I am doing a “30 on 30” panel thingie, where I basically just talk for 30 minutes about anything. Room: Seacliff D, 3pm, Thursday 10/14. Come on in if you can’t get into the better panels.

The rest of my time there will be spent trying to find people to buy me drinks, so look for the sad-looking fellow with the WILL DANCE FOR BOOZE sign around his neck.

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Stops Copies Me

Author: October 12, 2010 4 Comments

Someday, I will write a novel copying all the techniques of Metalocalypse.

Someday, I will write a novel copying all the techniques of Metalocalypse.

I’ve always been a good mimic, as a writer. Pretty much if I read a book or story that impresses me, I can and usually do write something that takes the style and technique and replicates it. This is not to steal anyone’s ideas or brilliancies – most of the time the story that results is far too close to the inspiration to be saleable. It’s good exercise, though, and I do it more or less unconsciously.

This is, however, kind of like homeopathy, in a sense: The molecules of that other writer’s ideas get increasingly diluted as time goes by and I move on to other things, until, eventually, you can’t recognize any of them in my work. Yet the effect remains, so diluted and subtle that you would never link the two, but it’s there, combining witrh the invisible thefts from other writers.

This is why everyone tells you to read constantly when you’re an aspiring writer: You’ve to steal little and steal big.

So what happens to me is that I read a few things by, say, F. Scott Fitzgerald and there follows for a few weeks a stream of stories or perhaps one ungainly novel that mimics his sgtyle and technique. These are mainly unusable, though great fun. Then, two years later, a story emerges that has tiny slivers of Fitzgerald in it but has been alchemized into something different, something new to me (if not necessarily the world at large), and boom! I’ve got more to work with as a writer. This happens without any conscious thought or direction; I just do it, and always have.

This has gotten me into trouble before. Back in my college days an asshat professor once gave me a D on a term paper because he was convinced it was too well written and scholarly in tone to be the product of a Sophomore. I complained and he challenged me to bring him examples of my writing to prove I was capable of it, so the next day I showed up with a box of manuscripts. he looked at the box, looked at me, and conceded defeat. And then the jackass who thought the paper was too good to have been written by me gave it a B+ instead. Jackass.

What had happened, of course, was that I read a long list of scholarly books about the subject at hand and unconsciously absorbed the style and tone of them, then replicated it in my paper.

This is a good thing. Sure, the first attempt is going to be an embarrassing imitation of another writer. But the exercise gets that DNA into your bloodstream, and years later it’ll bubble up and just add a little something to your own work. This is how you get better: You steal little and steal big from everyone around, while they’re stealing from you (hopefully). You discard the chaff over time and keep the good stuff.

Plus, I figure that someday I can parley this skill into a neato ghostwriting gig, like writing “new” Robert Ludlum novels or something. Man’s gotta drink.

Deep Thoughts & Pronouncements

Reading! Survived!

Author: October 11, 2010 3 Comments

The reading last night at The Cell Theater in New York was a blast. I think I did pretty well, and the other readers were all great and entertaining. And there was free wine. What more do you want?

Famous author Sean Ferrell showed up, which was a great surprise, and I asked him to video my reading. When I got home and checked the camera, there were two videos. This was the first one:

That’s right: Thirty-six seconds of Sean Ferrell’s foot.

The second video started off better: It was actually me, reading! A bit shaky, perhaps, as if Sean was falling into a coma of some sort as my voice washed over him, but still, video. Then, at the 2 minutes mark: Done. I don’t recall seeing Sean sleeping, but then I was distracted:

(giggling courtesy of The Duchess)

All in all, though, a lot of fun, and I thank Karen Heuler and The Tandem Reading Series for the invitation! The Cell has an amazing program of events – music, literature, art – so I encourage anyone in the area to stop by!

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Reading! Reminder!

Author: October 10, 2010 0 Comments

Reminder: IN just 9 days I will be in public making a fool of myself. Stop on by!

Sunday,  Oct. 10, 2010, 5:00 pm

The Tandem Reading Series continues at The Cell Theatre

Not your typical crime

This month’s readers step out of the ordinary and into the strange. Join us for an evening of ghosts, vampires, augmented assassins, and something nasty in the subways: mysteries that go a step beyond.

E. F. Watkins will read from her latest paranormal thriller, One Blood. Just released in September, it is a prequel to her novel Dance with the Dragon, which won a 2004 EPPIE Award as Best Horror Novel.

Jeff Somers, author of the Avery Cates series of noir-SF novels and editor of the long-running underground zine The Inner Swine, will be reading from his latest Cates novel, The Terminal State. And possibly doing some improv break-dancing.

Jeff Cohen, author of the Double Feature Mystery series and now the Haunted
Guesthouse Mystery series, will read from his novel Night of the Living Deed, involving ghosts, poison, and property values on the historic Jersey Shore.

Ameer Youssef reads from Kronman, about a series of Unnatural murders in New York City.

Come join us for an eclectic evening.
Reception to follow.

The Cell Theatre, 338 West 23 St. (between 8 and 9 Ave.; take the 1, C, E to 23rd St; www.thecelltheatre.org). 212-989-7434. Donation: $5.

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BOUCHERCON

Author: October 5, 2010 0 Comments

Well, I’m heading to Bouchercon next week. I’ve never been – I’m not much of a convention rat, to be honest; I attended a World Fantasy a few years ago and dipped my little toe into NY Comic Con last year, but that is actually the sum total of my experience. This year at Bouchercon I’ll actually know some folks and my agent will be there. Having someone there who is contractually obligated to buy you drinks is … something I’m not used to. Things might get ugly.

So, if you live in San Fran or are attending the con: Look me up. I’ll be the guy wandering around with a cowbell and a sandwich board that reads BUY ME A DRINK DAMN YOUR EYES. If you have any trouble locating me on the floor, show up for my 30-On-30 session on Thursday (here‘s the Thursday program for you):

30 on the 30

Jeff Somers: Science Fiction and Crime Fiction: The Most Exciting Combination since Whiskey and Soda

Time: 3:00 PM
Room: Seacliff D

Will there be actual whiskey in the room? Probably, and probably some tiny plastic cups for everyone too. Will there be much discussion of SF and Crime fiction? Maybe. If I sense I’m losing the room I’ll probably start break-dancing. This also depends on whether there’s whiskey in the room.

Anyways, see ya there!

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Reading Reminder

Author: October 1, 2010 0 Comments

Reminder: IN just 9 days I will be in public making a fool of myself. Stop on by!

Sunday,  Oct. 10, 2010, 5:00 pm

The Tandem Reading Series continues at The Cell Theatre

Not your typical crime

This month’s readers step out of the ordinary and into the strange. Join us for an evening of ghosts, vampires, augmented assassins, and something nasty in the subways: mysteries that go a step beyond.

E. F. Watkins will read from her latest paranormal thriller, One Blood. Just released in September, it is a prequel to her novel Dance with the Dragon, which won a 2004 EPPIE Award as Best Horror Novel.

Jeff Somers, author of the Avery Cates series of noir-SF novels and editor of the long-running underground zine The Inner Swine, will be reading from his latest Cates novel, The Terminal State. And possibly doing some improv break-dancing.

Jeff Cohen, author of the Double Feature Mystery series and now the Haunted
Guesthouse Mystery series, will read from his novel Night of the Living Deed, involving ghosts, poison, and property values on the historic Jersey Shore.

Ameer Youssef reads from Kronman, about a series of Unnatural murders in New York City.

Come join us for an eclectic evening.
Reception to follow.

The Cell Theatre, 338 West 23 St. (between 8 and 9 Ave.; take the 1, C, E to 23rd St; www.thecelltheatre.org). 212-989-7434. Donation: $5.

BAM!, More Shit I Gotta Do