Well, here e are, the arbitrarily numbered year 2011. Whoop! We survived. Although I am reminded that life is a zero-sum game: None of us are getting out alive, kids.
I don’t do resolutions. First of all, the sheer number of things requiring improvement and modification in my life is staggering and, frankly, exhausting. And far too many of them involve cats. Which is the general speed of my entire life these days: Cats. Some people’s speed of life is Speedboat, or Champagne, or Battlestar Fucking Galactica. Mine is: Cats. Make of that what you will. So I don’t make boring little lists of goals. I mean, you want to do something, do it. It’s not complicated.
As a sort of general goal for life, however, I believe I have resolved to stop watching bad movies.
This might seem easy to do, yet I have failed at it for many years now. Somehow the books I read tend to be uniformly good. The music I purchase is generally what I want as a soundtrack, at least for the present. Yet about 50% of the movies I watch suck. The worst part? I know they suck before I watch them. I can’t explain it. If you shaved my head and showed me where they’d wired in the mind-control circuitry, man, I would not be surprised.
Movies are just too damn easy to watch these days. When I was a kid, you had to climb fucking mountains to see a movie. I remember actually paying to watch Who’s Harry Crumb? one night because all the good movies were sold out. And I swore, never again. But I don’t have to borrow my mom’s car and scrape together allowance to see movies any more. I press a button on my remote. The bar is too low, and I’ve gone soft from liquor and indolence. No more! I’m tightening shit up around here.
This might not matter much anyway, since the world is ending, according to insane people. I would welcome this, as I believe the instant removal of all these people would improve the world greatly. Even if the world was turned into a Lake of Fire afterwards, it would still be a better place. Wo0t! Still, I have to admit an abbreviated 2011 ending in Rapture relieves me of some responsibilities. I will spend the five months drinking and yelling abuse at the neighborhood children out my window. Good times.
So: Happy New Year, everyone! I’ll be starting up Ask Jeff Anything very shortly, so if any questions have occurred to you, send them along. And consider this: Why has no one asked Jeff to do something yet?